Breaking News

While watching both The Daily Show With Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report this past Thursday night poke fun at Fox News and CNN for their erroneous reporting of the Supreme Court ruling regarding President Obama’s Patient Protection And Affordable Care Act (i.e., ObamaCare), I was reminded of a letter I wrote to the general manager of WBNS-TV (Columbus, Ohio, USA) in July of 1998 in which I wrote a parody of their newscast, ridiculing their misuse and overuse of “breaking news.”

In their attempt to be the first television network to report on the Supreme Court’s ruling Thursday morning, both Fox News and CNN had their facts grossly wrong, both reporting that the plan’s individual mandate was deemed unconstitutional when in fact the court ruled just the opposite.  I find it preposterous how often every television station abuses the “breaking news” headline.  Local networks very often start their newscasts with “breaking news.”  Isn’t this an oxymoron?  MSNBC will continue reporting something as “breaking news” four or five hours after it was first reported.  When exactly does a news event no longer constitute “breaking news?”  I’m no newsman, but I would guess within an hour, maybe less.

I am a news and political junkie; however, I stopped watching local news many years ago because of their “if it bleeds, it leads” mentality.  The following is my mocking not only of WBNS-TV but also that of every other television station, as they are all guilty of over-hyping any and all things in their lust to attract and kept their viewers glued to the screen:

With Aaron Copeland’s “Fanfare For The Common Man” blaring in the background, Dave Kaylor opens the evening newscast:

Dave Kaylor:  This is WBNS 10TV’s 6:00 Eyewitness News. Hi! I’m Dave Kaylor  in the 10TV Studio.  The 10TV News starts now (loud music again blares)….

Angela Pace:  But first Dave, our top story (loud music again)….

Andrea Cambern:  Angela, we have this breaking news, Channel 10TV has just learned….

Dave Kaylor:  Andrea, but first, tracking the storm is Channel 10TV Meteorologist Mike Davis, Mike.

Mike Davis:  This is Mike Davis, Live Dual Doppler 10 Chief Meteorologist, in the Dual Doppler 10 Weather Center, Channel 10TV’s exclusive Live Dual Doppler 10 Radar has just….

Dave Kaylor:  Mike, Channel 10TV Eyewitness News has this 10TV exclusive….

Angela Pace:  Dave, only on 10TV, we have new information on our lead story….

Andrea Cambern:  This is Andrea Cambern with Health News (loud music again)….

Kim Adams:  Andrea, this is Kim Adams with the Dual Doppler 10 Weather Team, Channel 10TV’s Live Dual Doppler 10 Travel Cast has just….

Angela Pace:  But first Kim, we have this breaking news, Channel 10TV has just learned….

Dave Kaylor:  Angela, new At 6 (incredibly, loud music once more)….

Andrea Cambern:  Dave, as we first told you at noon, 5, and 5:30….

Chris Shumway:  Andrea, the 10TV Live Dual Doppler Future Track has just….

Dave Kaylor:  Chris, this just in….

Mike Davis:  Dave, this is Mike Davis, here in Channel 10TV’s Weather Center, using exclusive Live Dual Doppler Radar, we have a Dual Doppler Forecast….

Angela Pace:  Mike, breaking news at this hour….

Dave Kaylor:  With a look at our Wakeup Forecast, here’s Channel 10TV’s Chief Meteorologist Mike Davis….

Angela Pace:  Dave, WBNS Channel 10TV’s I Team….

Andrea Cambern:  Angela, making headlines tonight, only on 10TV….

Kim Adams:  Andrea, Storm Tracker 10….

Dave Kaylor:  Kim, with a look at what’s coming up at 11….

Angela Pace:  Dave, that’s all the time we have.  Goodnight from all of us here at WBNS Channel 10TV (loud music one last time).

 

Steven H. Spring

 

 

 

 

 

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