Stupid Commercials ~ Direct TV (Or Is It NFL Sunday Ticket?)

September 12, 2018

It’s been a few years since I’ve posted an article about stupid commercials, not because there are no longer stupid commercials airing on television, but after buying my first new camera in thirty-three years, finally going digital five summers ago, and then buying another this past Christmas, I have been busy shooting nearly 185,000 photographs. Shooting that many photos doesn’t take long, I shot 180 earlier this afternoon in about fifteen minutes. It’s sorting through them all, choosing the best ones and then working on them that is time-consuming.

However, after seeing an advertisement for Direct TV (or is it for NFL Sunday Ticket?) the past couple of weeks, I just had to find time to comment on this rather stupid commercial. The premise of the commercial is two little girls are selling lemonade in their front yard when a lady stops by to buy a cup. All of a sudden the girls’ mother appears and grabs the biggest plastic cup I’ve ever seen from under the table and pours two pitchers worth of lemonade into it. The mother then grabs everything, including the money-box and tells the girls it’s time to go. In the closing scene, we see the girls and mom watching an Oakland Raiders football game, presumably on NFL Sunday Ticket. And assumedly, on Direct TV.

Why are the two girls getting ready to sell lemonade (the two pitchers are full, after all) if the mother knew they wanted to watch the game, but what really makes this such a stupid commercial is why would anyone have a two-gallon plastic cup?

Steven H. Spring


December 30, 2017

I do not understand why more and more draft eligible players are choosing not to play in a bowl game, fearful of injuring themselves and potentially losing millions of NFL guaranteed dollars. Granted, in the past few years, a couple of players suffered from this cruel fate, but, how does a player face his teammates?

What I really do not understand is why coaches allow a player who is refusing to play to still be a part of the team, allowing them to stand along the sidelines. I’m no coach, but if one, would tell any player who refused to play, that’s fine, but you’re staying home.

Players have been complaining for several decades now about being disrespected. The complaint become so widespread it ended up with its own slang word, “dissed.” But, isn’t refusing to play the ultimate form of disrespect? Coming of age on the south side of Columbus through the ‘70s, we would have had one word for such a player, a word now days most associated with the president.

What does this say about a player? What does this say about us as a society and a nation?

Steven H. Spring

A Tale Of Two Parties (Apologies To Charles Dickens)

November 10, 2016

Less than twenty-four hours after the Republican Party candidate pulled off the biggest upset this year, no, make that number two behind Penn State pulling off a huge upset in a Happy Valley white-out against the Buckeyes, President Obama invited the president-elect, who mocked Obama for years, to the White House to discuss the peaceful transfer of power come January. Whatever happened to the president-elect’s investigation into the president’s birth and religion, the results of which we were told is gonna shock us?

Eight years ago, on the day President Obama was first sworn into office, Republican Congressional leaders met at the Caucus Room restaurant to make sure the “uppity” first-term Senator from Illinois was a complete failure, in effect the most perfect example of putting party over country. Especially considering the disastrous economy he inherited. Or a world economy on the brink of a catastrophic meltdown, due to the Wall Street mess. Not to mention the two longest wars in U.S. history, both unfunded and still ongoing. Also unfunded were two massive tax cuts, benefiting mainly the wealthy elite, as well as the Medicare prescription drug program.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell had the audacity to announce his number one priority was seeing Barack Obama a one-term president. He couldn’t even get that right!!!

Steven H. Spring

One Quote Over The Line, Lewd Donald, One Quote Over The Line (Apologies To Brewer & Shipley)

October 9, 2016

If it appeared this presidential season could not get any more bizarre, it did so this past Friday when Donald Trump not only admitted to both sexually harassing and assaulting women, but actually boasted of doing such things as he was about to be interviewed on Access Hollywood in 2005. After it seemed as if the bombastic businessman could say no wrong during his yearlong plus campaign, this damning audio/video just might be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, though I doubt it. Making matters worse, it has been reported that there are many more hours of vulgar audio/video recordings of Trump from both Access Hollywood and his The Apprentice show.

What I find incredible about Trump’s campaign, is that after saying outrageous things seemingly every other day, comments that would have derailed nearly every other candidate, both his loyal base and party members still stand by him, putting party first and America second, although there have been desertions over the weekend such as Arizona Senator John McCain and Ohio Senator Rob Portman. Though I do not agree with Ohio Governor John Kasich on most every issue, I will give him credit for standing by his belief that Trump did not deserve the nomination of his party and has refused to endorse him, even going as far as boycotting the Republican convention held in his own home state.

I also do not understand why Republicans, and especially Republican members of Congress say there is no way they would vote for Hillary Clinton even after all the abusive and obtuse comments made by Trump. The flamboyant entrepreneur and reality television celebrity has offended just about every ethnic group there is, with the exception of white males, who make up the vast majority of his voting block, especially white males without a college degree. I have never been a fan of Mrs. Clinton, and was leaning toward former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson until his Aleppo moment, not to mention his inability to name just one foreign leader he likes, but have never understood the hatred of both Clinton and her husband that has been ongoing for twenty-five years. How is it that Clinton is so evil that up until Friday afternoon, Republicans were on the Trump bandwagon, despite all his boorish behavior? And inconceivably, the vast majority still are.

Donald Trump’s candidacy of making America great again has made this great nation the laughingstock in the eyes of the world. America should be embarrassed.

Steven H. Spring

Allstate Good Hands Good Deed?

September 7, 2016

As collegiate football got underway this past weekend, it did not take Allstate Insurance long to start bragging about their good hands, good deed declarations during games to assert that they have now donated millions of dollars to fund college general scholarships during the past twelve years. Up until two years ago, the insurance conglomerate always told viewers the exact dollar amount of their donations. However, starting last season, they only state the amount is millions of dollars. I do not claim that my measly blog is responsible for Allstate realizing that for all the free advertising it receives all season long in lieu of donating a couple hundred thousand dollars each year, as I have been posting this piece for several years, but I have yet to see or hear any other person criticize the corporation for having the audacity to boast about such a trifling dollar amount considering all the free advertising it receives for its generosity.

Anyone who watches college football knows all to well that the Allstate Good Hands logo is placed advantageously in a great many stadiums across the country in the middle of the netting that is raised behind the goal posts on point after touchdowns and field goal attempts in order to prevent the kicked football from going into the stands. At first glance, it appears that Allstate is doing a great deed by donating money to fund college scholarships. However, when you consider all the free publicity the company receives all season long, generosity might not be the best word to describe Allstate’s publicity stunt. How many times are these logos shown during the course of each season for every college and university stadium that allows these netting logos? How many times during the year will game announcers proclaim to their viewers that Allstate has donated millions for college scholarships? Every time the logo-laden netting is raised or the announcers make the declaration, it is the equivalent one more free commercial for the insurance conglomerate.

I know not what a thirty-second commercial airing during a typical college football game costs, let alone that of a bowl game or the national championship playoffs, however for all the free advertising that it receives every year; Allstate should be embarrassed that it has donated only a few million dollars over twelve years to fund college scholarships. Allstate should have donated at least ten times that amount, if not one hundred times more than it has before it boasts of its good deed.

Steven H. Spring
The Ohio State University, Class of ‘87

Did An American Presidential Candidate Commit Treason?

July 27, 2015

If it appears that this presidential season cannot get any weirder, it did so this morning when Donald Trump called on Russia to find Hillary Clinton’s thirty thousand deleted emails. Who among us has never deleted thousands of emails over the years? However, what makes his comment ever more alarming it that it comes just days after WikiLeaks published online nearly twenty thousand emails that were hacked from the Democratic National Committee’s computer system over the course of at least the past twelve months. Not only did the hack result in the theft of that organization’s emails and internal reports but also data from other organizations with ties to the federal government. Democrat leaders are placing blame on Russia.  Urging a hostile, foreign government to conduct a cyber attack on an American citizen from her days as Secretary of State might be construed as treason.

The Democrats are not just assuming Russia is responsible for the breach of security, as an internal investigation led by CrowdStrike, Inc., a cyber security firm, has traced the hack back to two organizations with ties to Russian intelligence. Two additional cyber security firms with knowledge of the investigation, FireEye, Inc. and Fidelis CyberSecurity have corroborated this theory.

Most Americans would assume that Trump is only making light of a very serious situation, especially considering all the outrageous things he has said during the past year, however, he is running for president of the United States. The potential leader of the free world should be smart enough to know not to say something as stupid as what he did, even if said jokingly.

Cyber security is such a serious matter that it can bring any nation to its knees. A major breach of a nation’s electrical grid can turn a military or industrial power into total chaos within a matter of days. What I find truly alarming regarding computers controlling all aspects of our lives is that this nation’s ICBM missile system, one-third of our Nuclear Triad is still operating on eight-inch “floppy” discs. Most Americans have probably never heard of such outdated technology, yet these discs are running our nuclear missile system, a system that has the potential to destroy the world in which we live.

Americans should be horrified!

Steven H. Spring

The World In Donald Trump’s Eyes (aka I Am The Greatest Of All Time, By A Lot)

July 13, 2016

As the American presidential primaries finally come to a conclusion beginning next week with Republicans convening in Cleveland and Democrats meeting in Philadelphia the following week, it gives me time to ponder the potential platform of Republican presumptive candidate Donald Trump. As a candidate who speaks so very often, and tweets seemingly nonstop, yet never espousing any genuine ideas about how he would actually govern, the following is a somewhat very accurate parody of a typical campaign speech given once or twice a day, every single day for the past year by his “greatness.”

I am the greatest.  But, I’m one of you.
Mexicans are criminals, drug dealers and rapists.
Nobody knows more about taxes in the world than me, because I do not pay any.
I’m the most militarist person there is.
Lyin’ crooked Hillary Clinton is crooked as they come, a lifetime liar.
Jeb Bush is low energy.
John McCain is a real loser, not a war hero, because he was a POW.
Megyn Kelly is a bleeder.
Lyin’ Ted Cruz is a pussy.
Chris Christie is yuge, by a lot.
Lying doctors say vaccinations do not cause autism.
I love the poorly educated. I even talk like them.
Nobody is more conservative than me, except when I was a liberal Democrat.
Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren is goofy, a total failure.
I know more about ISIS than the generals.
Crazy Bernie Sanders is a raving lunatic. I want him as my VP.
I’m gonna bring back all those jobs from China, except the ones that make the products I sell.
Nobody reads the bible more than me.
President Obama is a Muslim from Kenya, my investigation proved it.
My campaign is self-funded.
Trump U. is the greatest university in the world.
Women are pigs.
I’m the world’s greatest whiner. By a lot.
John Kasich eats like a slob.
Nobody knows more about debt than me, because I filed for bankruptcy four times.
Lyin’ Ted Cruz is no longer a liar. We love him.
Vladimir Putin loves me.
Crooked Hillary Clinton killed Ambassador Chris Stevens.
Nobody respects women more than me.
I’m rich, by a lot.  But, I’m one of you.
Mitt Romney walks like a penguin.
Millions of Muslims watched and cheered the Twin Towers burn from Jersey.
I am the king of debt. I’ve made a fortune with debt.
Bankers are stupid.
Bill Kristol is a dummy.
I love you (insert current city or state or the next city or state to visit).
The media is stupid.
If Hillary Clinton weren’t a woman, nobody would vote for her.
It’s a crooked system, and I was a part of it.
The RNC (Republican National Committee) are idiots.
Bernie Sanders is a Communist. Or worse.
Lyin’ Ted Cruz’s father helped Lee Harvey Oswald assassinate JFK.
Everybody’s an idiot, but me.  But, I’m one of you.
I cherish women.
The KKK wears nice sheets.
I’m gonna turn everything around. Fast. By a lot.
President Obama and Hillary Clinton are stupid because they use a teleprompter. But not me.
I love the Bible. I love the Bible. I’m a Protestant. I’m a Presbyterian.
Radio host Charlie Sykes is an idiot.
My IQ is one of the highest of all-time. By a lot.
I’m gonna build the greatest wall of all-time and make Mexico pay for it.
Congress is stupid.
My business is the greatest of all-time, by a lot.  But, I’m one of you.
I’ll be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.
George W. Bush is a liar.
Hillary Clinton is a shouter, but I’m not allowed to say that.
Women are dogs.
The Art Of The Deal is second in importance only to Two Corinthians, or is that Second Corinthians?
I do not have small hands, or a small penis.
Rick Perry is a loser.
Reporters are liars.
I can be presidential, but I would be boring as hell.
Rand Paul is an idiot.
Lyin’ Ted Cruz’s wife is ugly.
Women are disgusting animals.
Ben Carson is a poor surgeon.
Politicians are stupid.
The Republican Party is rigged. The RNC are riggers.
Women are bimbos.
My private jet is the greatest of all-time. So is my helicopter.  But, I’m one of you.
Rick Santorum is a loser.
Our leaders are stupid.
I am the greatest of all-time, by a lot.

If America has not yet become the laughing-stock in the eyes of the world, a Donald Trump presidency would surely make us so.

Steven H. Spring